you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize