it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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