my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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