if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
