phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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