Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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