I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
