I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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