His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
