Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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