wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize