So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
