i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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