Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
