nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
