just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize