I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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