Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I did not marry a roomba.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
