ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I want to fling myself into the sun
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
