when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
