if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
