tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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