You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
