so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
