you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
