Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
