Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
