I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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