just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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