I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
