THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
