Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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