i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
