she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
