Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
