Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
did i just pee glitter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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