I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
