I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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