Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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