is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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