me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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