i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
