Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
