Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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