8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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