Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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