i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
