dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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