I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
