I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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