Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
His nipple licking is glorious
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