everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
