matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
