I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
