Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize