He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
