Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
