So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
