No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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