Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
