this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
where does the pee come out of this thing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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