i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
