I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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