Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
