is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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