Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
