he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
