i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
