umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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