Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
