Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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