If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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