i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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